What Were these Floridians Thinking?: Week of July 7, 2008

Why does it seem when someone does something dumb or stupid that half the time they're a Florida resident? Reading about two of last week's "brilliant" citizens has prompted me to blog about these folks. I have to wonder, what were they thinking?

First, let's meet Jacqueline Wimbush, 39 and from Tampa. According to the St. Petersburg Times in an article called, "Woman Loses Fingertip in Tampa Meat Market Brawl," Ms. Wimbush got in an altercation at an East Tampa meat market (the kind to buy beef, pork, poultry, etc., not a place to pick up men) when a woman named Pamela Bumpers (I'm not making this up, maybe someone else is making up her name, but I'm not) tried to advance ahead of Wimbush.

Long story short, Wimbush waved her hand in front of Bumpers followed by a "crunch" sound. The tip of Winbush's left ring finger (scheduled for a manicure later that day) leaving her with a nub. Sadly, this wasn't the first time she's lost a fingertip but the first time the doctors couldn't reattach it. And, it wasn't the first altercation for Ms. Bumpers.

What I want to know is, what position does your hand have to be in to have the left ring fingertip cut off? I mean, try it. Take your left hand and wave it around while extending the ring finger and imagine someone trying to bite it. Seems like it would be difficult to get yourself into that position, but it happened. I also want to know, will she get a discount on her manicures?

The best quote out of the St. Petersburg Times story is from Wimbush, "I don't know who's going to put a ring on a nub." Perhaps Mike Tyson?

Second, let's meet David Partin and his pregnant girlfriend Samantha Bailey. The lovely Orlando couple has a baby due in December and when the bouncy bundle of joy is introduced to the world as "Dixon and Willoughby Partin," his proud parents will be given an $100 gas card. Did you catch that, a $100 gas card. By December, gas will probably be $10 a gallon and a $100 gas card will mean nothing.

So what's the deal? According to the Orlando Sentinel in the article titled "$100 Offer for Baby's Name Gives Dad Gas," the Dixon and Willoughby radio show on 96.5 FM (WHTQ) was looking for the most interesting item to trade for a $100 gas card. Partin offered up naming rights to his unborn child.

When the baby is born and the radio hosts see the birth certificate with "Dixon and Willoughby" on it (yes, the "and" needs to be there), Partin will get the measly $100 gas card.

But wait, if someone can beat that offer, he'd take it. A bidding war is on, folks! Got 500 bucks? You have the opportunity to name the kid whatever you want. How about "Only Vegas Partin?" Or, perhaps the baby will look more like, "Google Partin?" The possibilities are endless.

I understand that desperate times lead to desperate measures, but come on, cheapening the kid's value at $100? Now if a sponsor ponied up a million bucks, then we've got something else to talk about.


Matthew said…
That lost finger is a little odd. I'm trying to not think about it...I'm afraid my head will explode if I do. It reminds me of a lot of things I see here on a daily basis that I have to pretend I don't see.