Tuesday, May 23, 2006

It's There, Use It

My broadband Internet service was knocked out on Sunday and I NEEDED to get online (No, I didn't need my wired fix, I was helping a friend with a school paper). For some reason, after downloading something from Yahoo!, I can't seem to access AOL on my laptop so I dug out my OLD, bulky laptop. Man, that thing is heavy!

I came across files of a project I had worked on for a friend (well, friend is being used loosely). And seeing these files released emotions, reminding me of all my time wasted and lost. Rather than feeling sorry for myself, I got pissed. I got angry at myself for believing in someone else. Believing the goods he sold me.(Well, maybe this is different from feeling sorry for myself).

I took advantage of technology and hit the delete button with glee. It wasn't with satisfaction, just glee. Because I don't think I will ever be at peace with myself. I don't know how I will be able to trust anyone again to let my guard down.

Yeah, there's more, but since I know my parents read this and I don't want to embarrass them (LOL!), I'll leave it at this:

Lessons learned:
  • ONLY believe in myself because it's foolish to believe others.
  • Hope is for suckers.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Miss, Jenn!

You can of course BELIEVE IN OTHERS
and HOPE is not foolish. Sometimes that is all we have.

Don't let one person change your wonderful perspective on life.

I love you.
Shep

Surly said...

Amen to that, Shep. If I can trust again, anyone can. A couple years ago, I had someone sell me a huge pile of cow manure - a very talented salesperson indeed. The results were disastrous, but I finally got the stink out of my life, and the manure is now being used for fertilizer in the garden of my soul. ;-)

JA Huber said...

I appreciate each of your comments and insight. The difficult part has been coming to terms with revealing my true self to another and learning I wasn't good enough. Some day (maybe soon) I'll trust, believe and hope...