Thursday, March 27, 2008

Time to Begin Again

I can count on a single hand how many times my life has been flipped upside down. I'm the type of person who needs order in life with a dash of spontaneity to enjoy it. When the universe forces things to happen in ways I don't want them to, I have a difficult time adapting to the change.

My world flipped upside down six weeks ago with Peter's (my 43-year-old, ex-husband) sudden death. I've returned to the Everglades twice since he passed and I still can't believe he's gone. It's as though he's on vacation and will return shortly.

I've been dealing with unresolved feelings and "what if" situations. I was even told, "If you were still here, Peter would still be alive."

I'm not going there because something else may have caused a change in the path of life. People can't change other people, they need to change on their own and I've come to accept that.

Over the past six weeks I've been learning about Peter's life after I left the Everglades and it makes me sad and a bit angry. But I can't turn back time. I couldn't change a person. For various reasons, things ended. Even if I stayed, life could have been directed down a different path leading at the same ending point.

The ironic, bittersweet twist in all this is I am a beneficiary. He never took my name off of one of his assets. Not sure if that was intentional or procrastination, in any case, it's protected from probate.

Things came together over the weekend. I sold the boat and the check arrived. I deposited it Monday morning and because I'm a good customer, the bank put an overnight hold on the funds. I opened up a CD and savings accounts (my emergency fund; I hope Dave Ramsey is proud).

Tuesday morning, I was up at 6 a.m. paying off debt. What an incredible feeling to be released from the burden of debt.

Now, I have minimal credit card debt, my car will be paid off this summer and I have my living expenses. So now what? I can live anywhere I want as long as living expenses are taken care of. I just need to figure out what I want to do and what I want out of life to determine my next step.

Life seems as though I'm set to live happily ever after, but Sunday morning, Equifax send me a fraud alert.

Stay tuned for the continued story...

2 comments:

cwac said...

And your parents are proud too!!

Cordelia said...

I feel like you have been ready and waiting for this opportunity for a new start for a while now. I am soooo happy that you can now consider many more options. I'm just a bit sorry that it had to happen this way.

Life is short. Create brighter horizons!