Saturday, December 17, 2005

It's Lonely NOT Being a Lemming

All 120+ girls in my sixth grade class sang on stage during our promotion to junior high. Everyone except me.

True, by that age I knew I couldn't carry a tune (I discovered that during my short run in the church choir), but that wasn't the reason. I just had no interest in getting up on stage and singing.

When promotion evening came and the performance segment, all of the girls and a handful of boys left their seats for the stage. I sat practically alone among the empty folding chairs. I felt slightly out of place, not comprehending why all of the girls wanted to sing, but realized, they did it because they did not want to miss out and be left out. Miss out and left out of what, I don't know. All I knew was that I was not going to give into peer pressure and do something I didn't want to do, which was perform that night.

There was a time in my life when I didn't care what people thought of me. I did things for me, despite everyone else doing them. I didn't, and still don't, concern myself with missing out on something. I had the ability of being a "stealth leader" - being able to make things happen without anyone knowing it's me.

After a period of losing this part of myself, I'm slowly finding it again. The ability to stand alone and stand up for what I believe in. And sometimes, it's lonely.

[Definition of a lemming.]

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

im sure that you did what makes you comfortable, you sound like a leader and are determined to do what your dreams tell you to do, keep up the strong spirit and life will be faboulose!!