Monday, July 04, 2005

Definition of Independence

Today would have been my 7th wedding anniversary and it's the first anniversary in a long time that I'm truly an independent person again. Yes, I chose to get married on 4th of July; I always wanted a guarantee that there would be fireworks on my anniversary. Actually, I wanted to run off to Las Vegas and get married, since at the time of our engagement, we lived less than a 2-hour drive from there.

Peter isn't a bad person, we just weren't right together. Unfortunately, I got married for the wrong reasons and for other people, and not for myself. That reality hurt everyone involved.

At this point of my life, I don't know if I want to get married again; I would like at least a long-term relationship. Right now, I'm enjoying my space and my independence. Sometimes I think I'm incapable of love - of receiving it or giving it.

I don't remember much about the wedding except that I was running around a lot, playing wedding planner, making sure everything was going OK. Thought I'd share what I do remember:
  • A dog was the best man - fully donned in a tuxedo.
  • It rained and rained and rained - people tell you "oh, it's good luck to rain on your wedding, means you will be wealthy." I think that's something people tell you to try and make you feel better, especially when you have an outdoor wedding. I also think it was one of many signs.
  • The photographer hitting on my wedding party.
  • Trying to use the outhouse with my dress on (OK, I was allowed to use the bathroom in the house and did it as a joke to see if I could do it).
  • Dancing and having my husband say, "I think the bartender is cute, I'm going to ask her to dance." At this point, I knew it was time to leave...
  • My husband passed out on my bed and I flipped out. I was pissed and threatened to have the wedding annulled and spend the night in the hotel room by myself. I remember my mom saying something like, "well, at least you've lived together."
  • Sleeping on my bedroom floor.

Oh, the memories! There were some positive memories made by the people that attended. It was almost like, "this is your life" with people from high school, college, Yellowstone, Death Valley and family were all brought together.

This Independence Day I'm also thinking about the "War on Terror" and the people who are giving so much to secure our liberties. Whether you support the President or not, you need to support the people who are making sacrifices. For those of us on the outside, things seem like a mess. But to those soldiers (literal and figurative), they are seeing the situation from the inside and have committed their lives to protecting our independence.

1 comment:

You scared me said...

Ahhhh....the photographer. LOL
Don't let one or two failed relationships make you think you are incapable of love. Perhaps they were just incapable of recieving it!